Something it took me awhile to realize is that drinking to much, whether it’s coffee or alcohol, is a symptom of Things Not Going Well. It seems he should be more concerned (maybe he is, but he doesn’t come across as concerned here).

After Effects is a fun program. I used it for a motion graphics class, and almost finished my filk — and then somehow photoshop ate all my source images. That was two years ago and I haven’t had the motivation to go back and redo it. Sigh.

Could the memory issues be the clonopin? I tried it last weekend for sleep — just .25 mgs — and after the second day my mind was shot and I felt exhausted and ill.

I was pretty nervous about taking the test too. I was very afraid that it would say that I was perfectly normal, just dumber than I thought I was; that my difficulties with math were just a “math block”; that my trouble starting and finishing assignments was just laziness. I’d have completely wasted money that I just didn’t have.

If you decide to do it, maybe go into it with the attitude that even if they don’t turn up anything, you’ll have one more piece of information.

The line about Asimov made me smile, BTW

I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving, and are enjoying the holiday weekend.

Have you talked to your parents about your level of concentration and focus when you were a kid? I ask because people with ADD can be pretty bad self-observers. Another possibility is that your intelligence may have covered for your lack of attention.

I don’t know if you saw my reply to your comment on my blog, but here’s what I wrote:

“… depending on how your shrink sees it, … stimulants can be prescribed for things other than ADD. Narcolepsy, for instance, or to improve treatment for depression. If you’re still having some depressive syptoms (like lack of motivation) he may be willing to give it a shot.”

If you’re having ADD symptoms now, as a result of your mood disorder or your meds, there’s a chance your pdoc might prescribe stimulants anyway to help with those — it’s not off-label to use them for depression and other things.

It can be so hard to pick these things apart and figure out what’s really going on. Good luck with it.

I’ve taken one Adderall before, and felt amazing. I was editing a manuscript, and the work flowed so well for hours. It felt like I’d had about ten cups of really decent coffee, but without the nervousness and jitters.

Thanks for your comment. I think I’ll split up my day between times when I’m supposed to do something, and times when it’s acceptable to do nothing.

A friend of mine is doing an outpatient program for depression, and their therapists advice was to keep a list of whatever they did that day. If all they did was get out of bed, that was *something*. If they got out of bed and ate breakfast, hey, that’s two things! If they got out of bed, ate breakfast, and left the house to go on a walk, even better.

In my MCBT class they also talked about the motivational aspect of depression. They said it was important to “do like the NIke ad and just do it”. Even if you don’t feel like it. *Especially* if you don’t feel like it. And I know they’re right, but still … it’s SO DAMN HARD sometimes.

On the other hand … if you don’t feel depressed emotionally, maybe it’s OK to just take a break and let yourself “waste time”. Maybe your mind and body need a break from work. Sometimes you just need to give yourself time to screw around. It can be very restorative — if you can let go of the feeling that you “should” be doing something. Which is also SO DAMN HARD.

Good luck with this. I hope you’re able to find some enjoyment during your stay-cation.