Not knowing how I’m doing at work right now. Not sure of anything right now, the bipolar having taken from me my ability to know real from imagined. What’s imagined is that I’m doing a horrible job at work, that others are only tolerating my presence. This feeling neatly coincides with my [...]
A certain certain level of hell, losing touch with your friends and trying to make new ones. Especially during a downturn (which is most of the time), the chances of falling out of touch with a friend turbine upwards and the friends begin to spin off into the distance. You can still see them out [...]
How you take it in the ribs, in the ribcage, day in, day out. How the darkness engulfs you like a heavy rubber suit, squeezing the life out. How when it’s 80 degrees out and people are ecstatic, you’re lifeless. How when you think you’re peering over the wall at the [...]
Going dark is bad. Going dark is counterproductive. The thoughts that bubble to the surface seem to be all negative all the time, even when I’m up, hypomanic. Eternal damnable pessimism. It gets dull. Always the same responses – in the negative: going dark.
Unlike some other bloggers, I don’t have [...]