I used to read LifeHacker and still like it, and I briefly followed Merlin Mann’s talks. I nearly got overtaken by productivity pr0n. Since this is the highest form of procrastination (putting off doing something by preparing to do it indefinitely), I was, of course, drawn to its awesome power. I didn’t do anything the writers wrote about doing online and in their books like Getting Things Done. I only read about how to get organized, goal oriented, get ready to work, I never started working. I’ve stopped reading entirely (too much focus needed, too much disconnection from the real world, which I need to micromanage). I can’t even watch TV (too slow, or too fast, but nearly always boring).

Big surprise. I should know every time this happens that I’m being scatterbrained and hypomanic, and that I need to calm down before I attempt to do anything for real. Or I’ll judge myself later. LIke a few months ago, I tried to add a Twitter feed to this blog. A blog I write in about once a month.

So now I’m reaching my very own Sputnik moment. The ball is rolling on my neuropsychological testing; I have about 2 more hours to do tomorrow. And then two weeks later we’ll see if there’s some kind of cognitive impairment going on.

My fear is that this will turn out just like the sleep study: You don’t have sleep apnea, and you should eat more protein before going to bed. Six months later, I’m still waking up at 3 and 4am, no matter how tired I feel.

I want something to work out this time. I haven’t been this aware of something being out of whack since I first went to my pdoc and was diagnosed bipolar. I think there’s something else going on.