This morning I woke up with a chorus in my head, but each singer was singing a different song. One was literally a song, an instrumental rock piece that’s a little down and depressing. Another voice castigated me for not writing better, another told me there was no way I was going to [...]
I blame the computer. I almost wrote the internet, but it’s not only that. It’s also writing in a journal that keeps me from reading, from concentrating. I can spend hours in my journal, not making anything at all. Just writing compulsively. Writing about writing. But it’s certainly also [...]
The shiny new gadgets — they’re always referred to as shiny — seduce in times of boredom. Not to say that all who love gadgetry are bored or boring people, but, like sports, electronics fill in life’s smaller gaps. Shopping for them as entertainment. I go to the tech section of the [...]
Brad Sucks has been my go-to music for spells like the one I’ve been experiencing in the past three weeks (thanks to myself for lowering my Abilify!). He seems to get it. Anyway, his tracks are free and you can get them here. I particularly like Fixing My Brain and Borderline.
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I’ve not been one to divulge much about my identity on this blog, fearful that people who know me and may employ me might find it. But this time I’ll give a little hint about what I’ve been going through. I used to live in Los Angeles, unmedicated and untreated. It got [...]
A serious break with reality going on here. Misinterpreting emails to mean I’ve lost opportunities for new jobs, time ticking by slowly, everyone around me more optimistic and alive. My wife is bringing me back to reality, and so is the clonazepam.
Going down on my Abilify dose was madness, total madness, pardon the [...]
Someone with some great graphical and coding skills needs to come up with a good mood chart program. I haven’t come across a good computer application for the Mac where I can track my moods, medications, sleep times, etc., all in one place over a long period. I’ve checked this one out, but [...]
I’ll be taking my Abilify back up to 20 milligrams from 15. I spent 3 weeks at 15 milligrams and did not enjoy myself. Paranoia, mostly, as you can see from the prior posts. I highly recommend it for anyone noticing these symptoms. I just hope that going down and then [...]
When someone gets up and leaves the room, are they thinking about you? Looking forward to talking about you behind your back? When you say something to someone who’s checking their email and they don’t respond right away, does that mean they can’t tolerate your presence? Do you know that a door is [...]
The release of the pressure that had been building up behind the drop in Abilify came this week. Four weeks it took to regulate to taking only 15 milligrams. Took more clonazepam in the evenings to offset the mounting anxiety, the dread that’s been a part of my thoughts for a month. [...]