How do you know what’s working is working in the highest degree possible? You can’t know absolutely that the medication you’re taking for major depression or bipolar disorder is the best for you, and that drives me nuts. Whenever I’m feeling better — right now, for instance — I tend to get [...]
Someone left a comment asking that we talk more about shame, and so
I’ll keep going with that.
I don’t think the constant feeling of shame that he experiences is in
any way related to reality, or that it’s rooted in the events of his
childhood. It just persists, on and on and on, constantly misfiring.
Studies like this [...]
This post – http://www.milligramsblog.com/2009/11/23/the-best-street-sweeper/
- plus a few remarks you’ve made about your colleagues at work and
feeling embarrassed in public tell me that your paranoia is more
pronounced than it was in October.
(Oh, if only you and the doc hadn’t decreased the Abilify dosage.)
When the meds aren’t working right you gradually lose touch with the
distinction between events [...]
Learning how to view my own work has been one of the biggest challenges lately. It’s so, so easy to slide into self criticism, self loathing, especially in my writing. Both my day job and my writing early in the mornings and in the evenings have been feeling like insurmountable challenges. These [...]
Today I thought I might tackle a big topic. The stuff the spouses of
people with any illness – mental or otherwise – are often afraid to
admit to themselves, never mind to anyone else.
As spouse of a sick person, people often expect you to be saintly,
accepting, loving, patient. But I have often been sad, [...]
I find myself in a job I don’t like and yes, I do blame my illness for it. Because my illness severely impacts my self-image, I never (or hardly ever) reach for the brass ring — and other cliches relating to achievement. And today I learned of an old friend getting a very [...]
Today he woke up in semi-agitated state. It wasn’t bad, but he was
impatient, a bit grumpy, and easily frustrated. His mind is elsewhere,
electricity buzzing through his circuits, and simple household jobs
become projects requiring coaching and extra patience from me.
We had an episode today over hanging a mirror that would have been
hilarious if only we [...]
Today, by accident, when I was browsing through the apps on his phone
to find good ones to try out, I finally came across his blog. He’d
told me about it but had refused to let me read it. I read the whole
thing, and now he looks sort of embarrassed and proud at the same
time, [...]
It’s a question I thought I’d answered for myself several times, but it keeps coming up. Because shining a light on it will make it all go away? Hardly. Partly because my current doctor is so disappointing. Mostly because I don’t know what I think about something until I’ve written about [...]
So I’m nervous. I just popped a half milligram of clonazepam to help me come down from this nervous high. This morning I was sweating under my armpits like a madman. Well, I was a madman, nervous and anxious about nothing. The bipolar getting to me. An anxiety of no [...]