How you take it in the ribs, in the ribcage, day in, day out. How the darkness engulfs you like a heavy rubber suit, squeezing the life out. How when it’s 80 degrees out and people are ecstatic, you’re lifeless. How when you think you’re peering over the wall at the world, you get vertigo. How far you’ve gone. How you talk to yourself about yourself, how you self-regard, and how that’s working out for you. How you stare at your arm and sometimes both arms, legs, feet, your reflection, the whole of your face, and how it looks so much like a stranger.