Going Dark
Going dark is bad. Going dark is counterproductive. The thoughts that bubble to the surface seem to be all negative all the time, even when I’m up, hypomanic. Eternal damnable pessimism. It gets dull. Always the same responses – in the negative: going dark.
Unlike some other bloggers, I don’t have a 10-point step-by-step for avoiding going dark. I can’t offer advice on this habit; I am in its cage. It’s what we’re best at, bipolars, I believe: accessing the dark side and bringing back into the world a little for others to oggle. I’ve brought much darkness on myself and my family, moments I’ve gone cold in shock over how I’ve acted. How not-myself I can become. And how not-myself I can write and imagine.
Down with 10-point steps for recovery, blog chaff that leaves you mourning the time spent reading them. Who have they ever helped? Perhaps the new-to-bipolar use some of those tips, but for the rest of us, those who’ve lived with BP for at least a year, have already read what’s in those entries in books and on other websites so many times – and have heard the advice from our doctors – these lists are less than helpful.
This doesn’t mean I don’t still read them.