This can kill a writer’s – or this writer’s – ability to come up with anything new to say. I want to write about my mental illness, but sometimes the illness itself keeps me from finding the right words. I write obsessively in my journal, recording sometimes every thought that passes through my head, like talking to myself. But I don’t want to do that here. How much of the rambling can a blog take? Blog posts are supposed to be short and to the point. They’re not supposed to show evidence of mental illness, of indecision, of self-doubt. But I’m here to say, I have self-doubt like a hammer hitting my back. I’m not put together, I’m not smug about writing in a blog. I’m keenly aware that I have no readers (yet?) and I’m struggling to keep this thing going. I want to reach out and meet people through this effort. And I want to be lyrical again. This is why I’ve reduced the amount of Lamictal I’ve been taking by 100 mg down to 300 mg. It’s not always better living through chemistry, I think. I think some medications can keep one down, can suppress the minor highs of bipolar that can get one through the week.